SP5 Robert Artz, U.S. Army (1969-1975)

It was an early spring morning at US Army Headquarters Training Center Infantry, Fort Ord, California. A couple hundred new inductees (around 95% draftees – including myself) were gathered together by a handful of seasoned Drill Instructors with the objective of assembling Headquarters Company into Platoons and Squads. First job; select trainee Platoon and Squad leaders. It was Drill Sergeant Diamond who started the process by ordering all men who graduated college to fall out and line up on the side of the parking lot. I was classified II-S until I graduated in early 1969. I was 22 years old – one of the older men in this group. With Vietnam going crazy, Uncle Sam was calling up even us old guys.

Anyway, Sgt. Diamond started the questioning with trainee #1:

Sgt. D: Where did you go to college?
Trainee #1: USC
Sgt. D: What was your major?
Trainee #1: English
Sgt. D: Any sports?
Trainee #1: I played JV baseball.
Sgt. D: Cool. What position did you play?
Trainee #1: First base.
Sgt. D: Great! You’re Platoon Leader for Platoon #1.

That seemed pretty straightforward: I got it – Sgt. Diamond was looking for guys with some leadership qualities and athletic abilities.

He continued the questioning with trainee #2:

Sgt. D: Where did you go to college?
Trainee #2: UCLA
Sgt. D: What was your major?
Trainee #2: American History
Sgt. D: Sports?
Trainee #2: A couple years of football.
Sgt. D: Really? What position?
Trainee #2: Pretty much a wide receiver.
Sgt. D: Great. You’ll be Platoon Leader for Platoon #2.

I was starting to get nervous….. I was next.

Sgt. Diamond turned to me; asked my name – then the dreaded question:

Sgt. D: Where did you go to college?
Me: The Pasadena Playhouse.
Sgt. D: What? ‘The Pasadena PLAYHOUSE??’
Me: Yes, Drill Sergeant; it’s a college of theater studies.
Sgt. D: Oh, yeah? Just what did you study?
Me: Everything involving entertainment and theater – acting, directing, and so forth…..
Sgt. D: (After a profound sigh – everyone is watching us) Any sports at the PLAYhouse?? (He emphasized ‘PLAY’ suggestively—-)

There were chuckles among the other DIs listening to the questioning.

Me: Well….. there was fencing and modern dance.

That did it. They were howling. I felt my face turning a couple shades of red.

Sgt. D: MODERN DANCE??!! (More laughter) Well, Trainee ‘Modern Dance’, – we’ll give you a shot. YOU are Platoon Leader for Platoon #3!

And the questioning of the rest of the college graduate trainees went on without any more laughter until all four platoons were set up with one Platoon Leader and four Squad Leaders each.

Pretty humiliating. I was known as ‘Trainee Modern Dance‘ – or ‘Private Modern Dance’ from then on. It may have served as motivation for me to excel. I worked very hard to fulfill my role as the trainee leader of my guys for the next 8-9 weeks. It was tough; but I was NOT going to let those 42 guys down or discredit myself.

Well, ‘Trainee Modern Dance’ had the last laugh. I was the only Trainee Platoon Leader to maintain his ‘rank’ throughout the entire training cycle. Trainee Platoon Leaders of the other three Platoons were replaced after just a few weeks – they could not cut the mustard! I completed the course successfully, performed as Platoon Leader with respect, and earned my Private E-2 stripes ahead of most who graduated that cycle.

At the graduation ceremony, Drill Sergeant Diamond slapped me on the shoulder and barked: “AT EASE, PRIVATE MODERN DANCE!” – he smiled broadly and handed me my hard-earned ‘mosquito wings’!! It was a proud day!!

This is a true story!!

Read the Military Memories of our Runner-Ups.